Mourning to Celebrate

After our third round of Clomid my blood work came back negative for ovulation. This was kind of a shock because my basal body temperature chart showed a temperature shift. What I learned was that the temperature shift was very short, indicating that if anything did occur, it would not result in a sustained pregnancy.

BBT Chart
Basal Body Temperature Chart

We had already talked about our next course of action should we face this reality. We will begin the process to adopt an older child. Honestly, it feels so good to put the uncertainty of each month behind us. It is an emotional roller coaster filled with day dreams, impatience, disappointment, hope and resolve, just to name a few.

In typical H fashion, I began in-depth research on adoption. I kept coming up across the topic of mourning infertility in an effort to move on to the next phase. Ok, I got it, I was sad about our situation but I was also excited to move on to the next steps to grow our family. No point in dwelling on it. I am already day dreaming about bedtime stories with two kiddos cuddled up in my lap. Can’t wait! So excited!!

That weekend, we decided to take little man to Grant’s Farm to feed goats and take a tram ride. We decided to take B’s diaper backpack instead of my giant purse. We hadn’t used the backpack in months. I went to update the necessities and pulled out a 9-month onesie and the tears just started to flow.


I hadn’t really thought about all the baby stuff I loved so much because it brought back memories of little man at that age. I hadn’t really thought about how great that phase is from 6 months to 1 year and how we wouldn’t see it again in our family. I hadn’t really thought about how I would have to go through all of our baby gear and decide what to do with it. I hadn’t taken the time to think about these things, to process them, bring them to the surface, cry, mourn and then move on. I had just wanted to move on.

The rest of the weekend I took the time to mourn. Consciously, intentionally mourn. And the idea of celebrating an adoption got that much sweeter.


How to Survive the Two Week Wait

How To Survive The Two Week Wait
How To Survive The Two Week Wait

Just kidding!  I have no advice on this subject as I have been scouring the internet for all early pregnancy symptoms knowing full well they only fuel speculation instead of provide any concrete answers.  Like a pregnancy test.  That I will take in two weeks.  Two weeks…

It is amazing how much about your life hangs in the balance during these two weeks.  For example, I need a new pair of black shorts for the summer.  Do I go out and buy a new pair or do I wait two weeks and maybe get to buy a maternity pair? Since this will hopefully be my second full term pregnancy I know full well that a) I will balloon out immediately and b) maternity pants are 100,000 times more comfortable. It is tempting… but no.  I will wait.

All joking aside, it does feel like life has hit pause.  Because in two weeks my life will either be exactly as it is today or it will be heading in a new direction.

In the mean time, I am going to fill my two weeks with working, writing, playing with baby J, a date night with B, happy hour with friends and maybe some shopping for new black shorts.

How do you survive the two week wait?